Who you are vs Who you think you are

Sometimes we think we know who we are. Frankly I don't 😂 but I've come to understand that that's okay.

I was born into a family where my mom was from a different country than my dad. Pretty complicated when you're African really. Mainly because legally I identify with my mom's nationality because we live in the country my mom is from, however traditionally I identify with the nationality my dad is from. Complicated right? No? Well here's where it gets tricky.

I follow through with both cultures which are naturally African but I apparently act and sound Western. Now obviously this should be a clear cut situation right? Like it should not even matter to me right? Wrong.

When I was 17 I studied a book about identity and I gotta tell you I have never felt so unidentified in my life 😂. In class we studied The Namesake by Juhumpa Lahiri and I found myself identifying with the main character because I am a second generation immigrant but I act more like people of a different culture. Except my conflict is that I seem to act and sound like people from a country I have never actually been to (priceless right?😁).

Now don't get me wrong here. I love both the countries my parents come from but I was sorta just struggling with identifying with either one. Then last year I had like a realization because I properly accepted Christ into my life and with him I was like "Oh my gosh. I don't even need an identity for this" as in I was totally and completely fine doing and being me in Christ. Now I don't know what it was about my acceptance of Christ that made me crave my deeper African roots more but I did and man did that take me on a ride. I even spoke to the Pastor at my church and he got me to look deeper at my roots and I found I'm way more connected to my roots than I thought. Especiallly after i read this :

Exo 34:6-7~ "The LORD passed before him, and proclaimed, "The LORD, the LORD, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, but who will by no means clear the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children's children, to the third and the fourth generation."

So that last part brought me to tears when I hit it because it dawned on me that everyone carries the burdens and blessings of their forefathers, so if I was acting Western how the hell was I going to connect to my African roots. And so I had to switch up mentally which took quite a bit. I grasped my culture more but most of all I grasped my bible more. With verse like these :

2 Timothy 1:7~ “ But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.”

So with the help of God and some modern day counselling I understood how what's on my birthday certificate doesn't really count in terms of what country I'm from but it's what flows from my heart and what blood is pumping through my veins. My mindset is working towards being of a heavenly origin so my heart is following as well. In short (cause those last lines were probably gibberish to a few people😂) as long as I feel I know where I'm from then I should have no problem with wondering where I belong because in the end I belong with Christ who lives in me.

Until next time, and thanks for reading this first post. So excited for the next one😁❣Siging out, Awkward Girl🤗