Losing & Choosing Friends

The reality of relationships is that they change. They're bound to. We can never stop that. Some change for the better while some change for the bitter end. What matters is what we do about it. Do we let them go or do we keep looking forward and move on? 

The bible gives great examples of exemplary friendships such as that of David and Jonathan, Aaron and Moses, Daniel and three of his closest friends and most of all the friendship Christ himself maintains with us as mankind.

Here's a quick guide to it all, because as much as some people deny it your friends play a pretty big part in who you are or who you become. 

Why do we lose friends? 

Here's a short list of reasons why we may lose friends in the course of our lives, I myself have come across at least 3 of these reasons.

1. Lack of effort ~ Sometimes in a friendship both parties just stop putting in the effort to make the friendship work. They stop texting. They stop calling. They even stop sharing funny memes (terrible right?) All showing that a clear lack of effort is the cause.

2. Overstayed their welcome ~ Think of your life like a book, certain people are only meant to be a part of one chapter of your book. If you drag them onwards through the book they lose relevance and begin to mess with the plot of the book as a whole because they've lost their original purpose.

3. Change of circumstances ~ Every now and then there are people who are only our friends because we just happen to be in the same place or situation as them for a period of time e.g. High School. Some people are only your friends in high school just because you saw them most days of the week. There's nothing wrong with that, just as long as you realize that you have to move forward.

4. Different interests ~ Most friendships are made up by the fact that you and your friend share similar interests e.g. soccer and clubbing. But if one friend changes and decides to like church and reading more than soccer and clubbing then it's hard for them to get along with their friends. Thus, things have to change. 

5. Fake friends ~ Then comes the people who were only your "friends" because of what you had to offer them or what they could leech off of you. People who only come to take and never give but like to call you their friend for the sake of their own benefit. 

Now all of the above are real life situations but that doesn't mean we can't overcome them because if Jesus overcame it then certainly we can. But we must keep in mind that if we put God bfore us then all other things will follow.

MATT 6 vs 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

When all is said and done we MUST let the spirit guide us to find the right friends that will elevate us and not tear us down. So regardless of what my tips are it is important to keep in mind what the spirit leads you to do or who it leads you to.

Tips on choosing Godly friends 

1. Are they uplifting? (especially in prayer) 

{Daniel 2 vs 17-19} Daniel and his friends are one of the best examples of prayerful friends you can give anyone. All of them were up for execution but Daniel put his neck on the line and sought the support of his prayerful friends to seek the mercy of God. When seeking godly friends you must find out whether they are uplifting. In short, do they want to see you win? Daniel's friends could have easily been bitter that Daniel went to the King and got a reward for the answers to their prayers. But instead they worked well with Daniel and helped him fulfil his job fully. Find friends that lift you up in all that you do. One of my friends once told me she had a bad dream about me and she said she'd pray for me and in that moment I really thanked God for a friend like her who was spiritually in tune because as a growing Christian you really need that.

I.e. Proverbs 18 vs 24, 1 Thessalonians 5 vs 11, Proverbs 24 vs 5

2. Do they rebuke with love?

Jesus himself rebukes us in the bible many times only because he doesn't want us to end up in a place where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth. He loves us and thus he gives us constructive rebuke to avoid any future trouble. Why? Cause he loves us. Lots of people have friends who will hype them up to do stupid things that are either irreversible or will absolutely hurt them. Proverbs 27 vs 5-6 speaks of friends that rebuke with love and enemies who tell you good things all the time. Pick the friend who gives constructive criticism over the Yes Man friend who pushes you forward blindly or the friend who criticizes just for the sake of it.

I.e. Proverbs 27 vs 5-6, Proverbs 18 vs 24, James 4 vs 11

3. Are they spirit led?

A friend that is led by the spirit of God is a wise and faithful friend. A friend that holds the fruits of the spirit within them is a worthwhile friend. The friendship between Aaron and Moses was not only blood based but that of the spirit. Aaron was the chief priest of Israel and Moses was the leader of Israel meaning Moses led Aaron. There were times Aaron would lead Moses as well but that didn't stop them from being friends. If anything being led by the spirit strengthened their friendships. Choose wise friends who see beyond surface value and look to God in their time of need.

I.e. Proverbs 13 vs 20, Proverbs 27 vs 17

4. Do they give good counsel?

I've faced depressing situations and as much as it hurts to admit I've had times where I just wanted to stay sad and thus looked for certain people that would feel as sad as me. I'd refuse to listen to those that were giving me good counsel such as "Look unto God" or "Pray about it". Be weary of friends that give you bad counsel, there really are people in the world who encourage others to take their own lives. Instead, seek friends who will do everything in their power to keep you levelled and even try to make you happier.

I.e. Job 2 vs 11, Proverbs 19 vs 20

5. Do they add to your life? 

Remember how I said your life is like a book? Well a godly friend isn't usually just a chapter, if anything they're like a random best friend to you, the main character. If they do not add to your life then they take away from it or they keep you in the same spot you've always been. You begin to lose the good parts of you because you're not letting them grow. Why? Because you surround yourself with people who stunt your growth. People who don't read the bible, people who never mention God in a sentence, people who can't even think of going to church unless its Easter or Christmas. Choose your friends wisely. Once you limit yourself to a group of ground zero minded people then the furthest you as a person can go is a ground zero thought process. 

I.e. 1 Corinthians 15 vs 33, Proverbs 22 vs 24-25, Ecclesiastes 4 vs 9-12

In the end, let the spirit guide you to find friends that elevate you and help you reach your goals. Do not over stay friendships, ever. New found Christians usually have the task of finding new friends because their old friends can not handle their new found love for Jesus and how dramatically they begin to change. My advice? It's normal. You'll get invited out less, you'll frequent parties much less if not at all. Why? Because you know you're of a higher calling and need people who think on your wave length and have the same passion you do. Which is to follow Christ.

Proverbs 12 vs 26 The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.